The Day After Tomorrow wasn’t just a movie…

*whispers* it was a prediction

Expectations:

Reality:

joolia:

I’m um back I guess.

I thought I had a life but then I realized all I have is a blog.

Hi.

do you ever cry because you’re not british

(Source: sonofabaggins)

So I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned or explained this to you guys before but Thursday night at Carolina is ladies night.

Ladies night sucks.

Sometimes you’ll get the random table that’s really cool and gives you a fat tip and understands what you have to deal with but mostly you just get a bunch of annoying bitches who sit there, drink like 20 free drinks all night and then leave without giving you a single dime. It’s fucking annoying.

And we have a DJ so the whole patio turns into a damn ass club and you practically have to dance your way through to your tables and you get hit on and grabbed and yelled at but I don’t even give a fuck so I just yell right back and everything just gets crazy.

Not to mention the fights that break out but we’ll save that for another day.

NOW for the kicker of this story.

Amidst all of my ladies night tables last night, I had a four top of two couples.
They’d been there since like 8.
Their tab was 140 bucks.

1230 rolls around and I really needed a fucking cigarette.

Normally we’re supposed to go smoke out back but on ladies night our managers will let the servers/bartenders on the patio just go right out front and smoke so we can still watch our tables to make sure nothing happens.

So I check all my tables to make sure none of them need anything and I go out front to smoke.
I’m just about to finish my cigarette when I see the two guys from the four top practically running out into the parking lot and looking around (for me) and then I look to my right and I see their two bitches in a car pulling up and they bolt for the car so I’m just like Oh HELL Fucking No.

After dealing with ladies night crowd and working for eight hours this is the last fucking thing I want to deal with so I start fucking power walking over to the car, I lock eyes with both of the bitches and they stop dead in their tracks and they’re just like “…fuck”

I walk up to the window and I’m like “Um, are you guys leaving? Cause you still need to pay me”

“Uhh…uhh.yeah…do you uhhh have our tab?”

“Of course I have your tab, it’s ready and separated for you guys just how you wanted. Do you want one round of shots on yours and the other on his tab?”

“Uhh..yeahh..Uhh…hang on…ughhh I do nottt wanna pay this tabbb!”

And by this point they’re all just taking turns staring at each other and staring at me feeling like assholes because they totally just got caught and I swear to god you guys I was this close to fucking lunging in the car and punching them all in the face like too fucking bad you don’t wanna pay this tab you should’ve thought about that before you went out drinking for four fucking hours.

More awkward umms and pauses are made with me just bitchstaring the fuck out of all of them until finally they just pull a card out from someone’s wallet and they’re like “Just put it all on this card”

So I go back in, practically pile drive everyone out of my way on the patio not even caring if bitches get mad at me for spilling their (free) drinks, I run the card, go back outside to where they’re parked and one of the guys gets out and comes up to me to take it.

And he fucking takes his card and all three slips out of the book and just looks at me and goes “Do you need any of these still?”

“Um. yes. I need you to sign one for me to keep (fucking duh dude)”
“Oh okay. yeah he’ll sign it”
“Okay, here’s the pen.”
“No no it’s fine we got it, he’ll sign it.”

So they go back into the car and Jonny (my manager) and two of the cops (yes. cops. I’m not joking when I say ladies night gets out of control. People get tased.) had come out front by now so I go over to Jonny to tell him everything that happened and we’re just talking about it while I wait for the guy to come back with the slip.

A few minutes go by and I turned my body towards Jonny and had my back to the car because I figured there’s no way that they’d try and drive off AGAIN after being caught like a bunch of fucking two year olds.

But we all know what happens when you assume.

I turn back to the car and SURE ENOUGH it’s fucking gone.
Meaning I’m out of a credit card slip for my cashout.
And a tip.

By this point I’m about to fucking kill someone so I just scream out loud to myself slash Jonny “Fucking cool dude. They drove off with both slips. Goddammit.”

And then Jonny turned to me and said the most beautiful sentence I heard all night.

“Fuck ‘em. Put 20% on that bitch.”

And you bet your fucking ass I did.

We were all huddled around my laptop watching it stream from some random ass website that Shea found because we’re in NC and we weren’t subscribed to the channel that it was playing on and it was such a close fucking game and we were all screaming and chanting and fist pumping and it was just so damn beautiful.

We’re 4 and 0 you guys.
FOUR.
AND.
OH.

sweet jesus you guys don’t even know how long I’ve been waiting for this day i am so excited right now

BALLS TO THE WALL YOU GUYS.
BALLS
TO
THE
WALL.

Just in tips.

You can all go home now.

Yesterday morning my brother and I made strawberry cupcakes (because what else is there to do at 7.45 AM) with little bits of cookies ‘n creme bars baked into half of them and pieces of cinnamon toast crunch baked into the other half.

Topped with mixtures of strawberry, vanilla, and buttercream frosting.
And sprinkles.
Shit. Was. Delicious.

I mean, it basically just sums up how I react to every ridiculous situation that goes on around me at all times.